I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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