Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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