This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
