Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
