But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize