No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
you win again, gameday.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
