Nicole vs. Life
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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