why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
