I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
