did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
