yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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