Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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