So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
