dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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