Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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