I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Randomize
