U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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