Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
