i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
