Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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