That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
