I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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