How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
