Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
