Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
