I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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