Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My life is pants optional.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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