So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
