I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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