Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
