my sisters under your porch take her home
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
