so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
