I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
