3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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