Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize