I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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