Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We are two peas in an std pod
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
