Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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