I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
