GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
