we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
