**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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