One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
