and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
