he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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