When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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