:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
