You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
And then he peed in my hair
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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