Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
