I wanna passion pit in your ass
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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