I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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