dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She told me I should be a condom model.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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