3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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