I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
