I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
you never un-have a 4some
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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