I like my sex mixed with concussions.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
