Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
