Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He shit in the fireplace
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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