Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
try to milk me bitch
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
