she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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