i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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