then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
