I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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