my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
