Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
