She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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