the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
