Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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