Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
