if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
