Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
