why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
