as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
