he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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