God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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