his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
