I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
